By Abdullahi Jamaa
Did you realise how a good number of Muslim professionals are dragging their feet on the floor when it comes to Muslim marriage? Ageing singles are putting a lot of emphasis on education and career development. They are making great strides, investing more in terms of time and money building themselves.
During this era of stiff competition for fame, name and power we seem to have mastered the art of living with many impressive degrees. We have a catalogue of targets and future plans; but you know we live in a world where we cannot achieve all our ambitions, yet we end up chasing everything about life.
The new trend and train of life disrupted the progression of men and women into productive young mothers and fathers. Nowadays, many Muslims have seemingly paused the normal tune of life, taking more liberal stands when it comes to making families and homes.
Education is important; no doubt about that and acquiring new sets of knowledge and skills is a great feat for personal development. But it’s also an endless process that stays with us forever throughout our existence. This means therefore that we have to plan our life meticulously in order to run it in accordance with natural disposition.
Education is overtaking most of our early years in life. It’s been designed in a way that its secular progression swallows a significant amount of time and resources. By the time you complete an acceptable level of education, you have consumed half of your life inside classrooms.
Once you are out of school, another leg of endless elusive search begins. The real struggle for survival where getting a lucrative job takes over the heart and mind. It may take years before one gets a job that matches one’s qualification. Yet another ladder of career development builds an insatiable appetite for more and more worldly gains.
Toiling for livelihood and the struggle for worldly relevance eats one’s physical and emotional energy. Many times when the hope for better jobs wane due to lack of opportunities one’s career stagnates; when this happens it means waiting longer to accomplish personal ambitions and dreams.
Amassing the world
Like a desert mirage, life is a delusion that hides in the shadow of reality. We are a generation that is ephemeral in nature, soon we shall exit the scene just like our predecessors. We do not have the luxury of time to waste in the endless game of amassing the world. What we have is merely a chance of life, just for once, because when Allah says it’s time to go, there is no coming back.
We are not in this world to run only after money, jobs and careers. We are here for a special reason but it seems we are lost in the larger forest of life, tangled and tired. Our careers and jobs are just part of the tools which we must learn when and how to use them.
My point is not about education or careers. The point I am driving home is about this important question ‘Why are we delaying marriages? The excuses have been ‘I will marry when I attain financial stability and independence or when I am done with my studies’
Our favourable answer to this question is taking longer than usual, creating a generation of ageing singles who are obsessed with career and wealth creation. In a world full of fitna and temptations, this partly explains the increasing number of premarital relationships or the so-called ‘come we stay’ that are conducted outside the scope of Muslim marriage.
While there are some genuine reasons for delaying marriage and it cannot be the same for all, the reality is that it’s a kind of a modern culture that is getting into the fabrics of our community. It’s also not all about the expensive ballroom weddings, it seems to be more of a personal decision to make this important part of our life appear like a heavy load on our shoulders.
It appears that having a family is no longer an objective to be achieved in one’s lifetime, for many, marriage appears at the bottom of to-do-lists, remaining unchecked until there is a sufficient budget. The supposition that it should be the last thing for a grown-up man is tantamount to defining it as a herculean task, very expensive and hard to accomplish.
Foundation of life
First, I have an important message for those who delay marriage due to the reason that they are not yet financially stable. The reality which we must accept is that there will be no one time when we will ever be satisfied with our financial status. The search for money is an endless disposition that nobody will ever win; poor and rich alike. It’s therefore important to learn how to run our lives with or without money.
Marriage is a new phase of life, the foundation of our existence that brings value and honour. It’s also the beginning of barakah and contentment that must never be delayed. Islamic marriage is above all a religious responsibility and completion of our faith. It marks the commencement of life, wealth and of worldly achievements.
Many times and out of experiences and observations from different couples, money that we search for years and years will start trickling in only after marriage. A shower of boundless barakah will wash away all the worldly worries instilling a new sense of contentment- a feeling of richness.
Umar Ibn Khattab said: “I have never seen any stranger than a man who does not seek richness through marriage, even though Allah has promised, as a result of marriage what He has promised: “…if they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” Quran 24:32
Poverty doesn’t matter as long as there is a combination of virtue and love. A happily married husband has the best wealth if he has a virtuous wife. His brimming hope and happiness will provide new opportunities, making him a potential earner of wealth, this is so because of the physical and psychological support that he gets from a dignified Muslim marriage.
In his book, Talbis Iblis (The devil’s deception), Imam Ibn Jawzi said: “Marriage is an obligation for he who fears falling into immorality and where there is no such danger it is a firm Sunnah by most scholars” while Imam Abii Hanifa who was quoted in the same book said “marriage is superior to all voluntary acts since it is the means for the procreation of children”
The messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) encouraged getting married despite poverty. He forbade people from celibacy and supported the poor members of the community to get married as quickly as possible. A Muslim marriage is therefore a cherished tradition of our beloved prophet.
The Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) said: “The world is but a (quick passing) enjoyment; the best enjoyment of the world is a pious and virtuous woman”
Today, if you have some job, do not wait for long. Where rizk comes from is not our work; the mathematics and science of rizk are beyond our imagination, why then should we waste so many years in running around like a headless chicken. Ours is to make consistent efforts and settle down as soon as possible. The rest will fall into a place………
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Abdullahi jamaa is a Muslim writer|journalist. The founder of www.smartmuslim.co.ke an online magazine for professional Muslims. Twitter: @abdullahijamaa
