Somali Mothers:How Well Do We Know Our Children?
By AMINA H. IBRAHIM
‘Parental scrutiny is a dilemma. How much supervision is too much? How much is not enough?’
The recent terror attack in Garissa has shaken our souls as Muslim mothers, the northern part of Kenya and particularly those of us with teenage children.
There are hushed discussions and shocking narratives from neighbourhood tales in reaction to the recent pictures of the young men turned terrorists.
These could have been anyone’s children. Mothers with young adults and teenagers in or outside of learning institutions, regardless of whether they live in posh suburbs or in rural north eastern villages, whether they are housewives or top executives, educated or illiterate, rich or poor, the buzz is how indiscriminate this radicalisation has become and how nobody is safe anymore. Our hearts are shaken.
In my case, I am asking myself: How much closer could this get? The young lawyer who was involved in the Garissa University College attack was in the same high school with my younger brother; he is the son of our well-respected chief for Bulla Jamhuria, Mandera County — our childhood neighbourhood and where our parents reside.
Another missing young man from Mandera is a family acquaintance whose is from an ordinary hardworking, well-respected parent.
Recently, one of my close friends was watching TV airing the story and pictures of the three young women from Mombasa who were arraigned in court for allegedly planning to join Al-Shabaab when her daughter said: “I know one of the girls so-and-so, she is in my university.” My friend was shocked and anybody can guess how many questions were running through her mind.
What I have gathered about and know of the families of these young men from Mandera is the fact that their parents had sacrificed time and resources to give their sons the best education.
Their children proudly gave them shining ‘A’ grades from high school and went on to pursue higher education, giving their families hope and pride for the future.
This is exactly what every mother and father wishes for their children, hence radicalisation at home is least likely to have been the case for these boys.
However, it is certain somebody caught up with the children, most likely outside their homes, and changed their worldview to the extent that one of them could kill college children whom he was part of barely a year ago.
Since the Garissa attack, dialogue at our homes, at functions, at work and basically everywhere, has changed. There are discussions on what could have gone horribly wrong and the need for vigilance everywhere.
Mothers of young adults are worried and asking questions whether we actually know our children, who they associate with, listen to, chat with and who is influencing their worldview more than us?
A few of us mothers and friends are digesting the reality of knowing so little about children and their social life outside home, which can give an upper hand to dangerous people to easily connect, brainwash and take them away from us secretly or overtly. This is a truly chilling reality for any Muslim mum today.
The changes within our household structures may also be re-examined more keenly. For example, a common phenomenon in a good number of Somali households globally is the fact that mothers are single-handedly raising their sons even when the father is around.
Somali father-son relationships were traditionally educative, authoritative and served as an effective channel for instilling family values and order but this has recently been eroded and become almost non-existent. Father-son dialogue, where it exists, is now short, and instructive rather than conversational, where boys can pick up skills from their fathers.
This change in family relationships and socialisation of boys is not only overwhelming for mothers but is also subconsciously confusing boys with regard to their roles in society. Could this new father-son relationship be a contributor to radicalisation where the emotional void created is giving an opportunity to dangerous male figures to easily step in?
More than ever before, parents require a new roadmap to journey with youngsters in this changed world with deeper communication, dialogue and vigilance at home, at school and in our neighbourhoods if we are to save ourselves from the pain that has torn us apart in the past one week
Today, our youngsters are more exposed to strangers than in the past given all the gadgets they have, easy access to social media, the early departure from home to live in college, hostels, towns and communities that are far away from family, hence the need for deeply instilled family values and beliefs at home is critical.
These values are gained from open communication, positive role modelling and clear beliefs in religion as young people step out to the outside world.
This week, I discussed a lot about the Garissa attack with my teenage boys emphasizing the fact that the attackers were not different from us in their physical looks, family background or faith but they allowed other people who did not care about their life to brainwash their beliefs in Islam.
The price these young men paid was a disgraceful end to their own lives, pain and loss to other innocent people while those who brainwashed them remain alive. There was a long debate on this which is just the beginning of our journey as mothers focusing on understanding, instilling and influencing our teenagers’ thoughts around this issue while re-emphasising the importance of trust and confidence with people who truly care about them.
In this new dawn, our hope is also to make deliberate effort towards finding out who the friends of our youngsters are, what their beliefs and aspirations are, what their fears are so as to create channels of communication and constant surveillance lest the radical religious, sexual or drug related cartels get to them.
Also, our schools, more than ever, must engage students to equally unpack the new form of radicalisation that is targeting our youngsters and redirect their young inquisitive minds towards sessions with good role models to counter this threat from within and outside school. Our government should open up confidential and non-intimidating services that are protective rather than punitive and that are closer to mothers and our youth to improve on reporting and surveillance of our neighborhoods.
Lastly, it is obvious that terrorism and radicalisation have come too close for comfort, affecting everybody and more so mothers. We hope we can find more avenues to reach out to our youngsters and make them allies to our beliefs and values.
Meanwhile, our prayers are with all the mothers, including those whose children were killed in the attack, for their hearts to heal.
We also pray for parents who lost their children to radicalisation.
Editor’s note: This piece originally appeared in the Daily Nation
