By Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah
Every young Muslim who intends to start a family is faced with the reality of choosing a good spouse. Making the correct choice takes a lot time and perhaps is the reason why we have increasing delayed Muslim marriages.
If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the greatest aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allah and serve as a provision for their parents.
The messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” (by Abu Dawood)
Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying: “A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, may your hand be covered in dust.”
Allah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard.” (Surah An-Nisaa: 34)
The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women who obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.
The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” ( Ad-Daaraqutnee)
On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” (Al-Haakim)
And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” (Ibn Maajah)
Choosing a pious mother is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for him. This is a fundamental requirement of a Muslim marriage that mark’s the beginning of a healthy family.
A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.”
At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!”
Abul-Aswad Ad-Du’alee once told his children: “I was good to you when you were children, when you grew up, and also before you were born.” They asked: “And how is it that you were good to us before we were born?” He said: “I chose for you a mother through whom you would not be mistreated.”
Ar-Riyaashee would recite this same theme in the following poetic verses:
“The first good thing I did for you was my choosing (for you)
an honorable woman of noble descent and clear virtue.”
Just as a husband should look for a righteous wife, so too should a woman look to choose a righteous husband. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.”
Based on this, we see that the firm foundation that a potential couple should base their selection of one another should be that of: religion and character. This is what will bring about a correct and proper upbringing for children.
On the wedding night when the groom consummates the marriage, it is recommended for him to say:“O Allah, I ask you for her good and the good that she was molded upon” whilst placing his hand upon her head. He should also pray two rak’aat with her.
Source: Abdulrahman.org
